Coming Back to Yourself at the End of the Semester

The chaos and the urgency of the end of the semester can really make us feel isolated and burned out and disconnected. We really do carry as academics and inhumane workload at this time of year. And I know that you feel that in your body right now!  All the academics that I've been chatting with lately are talking about that exhaustion, that mental exhaustion and the physical fatigue that comes along with it.  The end of the semester, and I think especially the end of the fall semester, just really disrupts our routines. It intrudes on our home lives. It impacts our health, and it distances us from each other and also from ourselves. At the end of the semester, we can sometimes feel like strangers to ourselves.  So I think at this moment, as the semester is wrapping up, and we're transitioning into winter break, I think it's really important to acknowledge the challenges of the semester, to really feel what happened, what you took on what you let go of, and what that experience was like. And then I think it's important for us to remember that you can choose to return to yourself. Now, it is safe to do that.

In this episode, I'm going to guide you to think through some different moments of reflection. So think of this as kind of like a journey or like a movement through space or through your imagination. There's this wonderful Wallace Stevens trail in West Hartford, that I walked at a difficult time in my life. And I'm kind of thinking of that as a metaphor for what we're doing. Another example is these little plaques at the Quaker Friends Committee, near where I live in DC that I like to visit, almost like a little pilgrimage, to go to these little places and then to move on to the next one for these little moments of quiet and reflection. So imagine a space that you want to move through in your imagination. Or if you want to pair listening to this podcast with movement, take a moment to pause at different resting places as we consider different aspects of what it means and what it looks like to return to ourselves at the end of the semester.

Tema Okun has suggested that urgency is one characteristic of white supremacy culture. And if you've followed my podcast, I talk about this a lot because I think it's deeply connected to the academic grind, to the way that we live and do our work, as academics, admits the kind of competing and oppressive demands at this time of the academic year. At the end of the semester, this sense of urgency that can really overpower us can sometimes reduce our capacity for empathy, for patience, for compassion, for gratitude.  We may feel less flexible, because we just feel like we're under this strain of urgency. Where are you noticing that in your life? Where is it that you're feeling that kind of reduction in your ability to be more present and be more flexible and open? Right, I think that is one of the first things to really root ourselves into, is noticing that feeling of urgency and what happens when it's kind of taking over our reflexes? What would you like to take the place of urgency in your life as you move into the break? And as we try to release urgency—which first requires noticing it—as we start to notice urgency as we start to think, you know, I would like to let this go? Who could you be? Who could you be in the absence of that urgency?

I think that one antidote to urgency is very deliberately slowing our pace. So again, beginning with noticing, where is it possible to slow down? What aspects of your life can you intentionally start to slow down right now, beginning today in this moment?   I think that taking a moment to listen to this podcast is actually one way that you're already doing this. You're already committing to a slower pace, right? Where can you continue to do this on the following days? Where can you just BE a little bit more, do a little bit less, and extending that over the break?  How do you want to experience slowness right now? For me, it often means more relaxed shoulders, less neck pain, right? Maybe for you, it might be more leisurely meals, or a schedule with nothing on it for at least a day or two. I want to really empower you to know that you can choose a slower pace of life today. It's safe to relax into more reasonable expectations. So start to really envision what would it be like to begin to imagine slowness in your days.  What would that feel like? What do you want that to feel like now? And also, what do you want it to feel like when you're deep into the break?  Start to give yourself that kind of muscle memory of what that feels like to be slow, to be, I want to say lazy, but also, following Dr. Devon Price, I don't think that laziness exists. So let's be lazy in that that most wonderful of ways, which is really just relaxed.

Another super important part of coming back to ourselves in a difficult time, and a time at the end of the semester, when we're so overwhelmed, is to start to restore connection. There are so many ways that we may be feeling isolated at the end of the semester.  Our routines start to break down and change with the end of classes. And the things that we could rely on in terms of having time to ourselves, or maybe working on your writing, or taking a walk, or meditating.  Whatever it is that you do for yourself, I'm gonna guess probably got left behind sometime in November, maybe even earlier than that, right? So without those things that matter to us, we can start to feel really disconnected from ourselves, and then also from the people around us. During the break, what are the connections that you want to renew and nourish? And then bringing that back to today, what is one tiny action that you can take right now, today, to create a moment of connection? Maybe it's as simple as texting a friend, or making time for a really deliberate, intentional hug for a loved one. Or walk your dog!  Have a wonderful walk with your dog, whether that's a long walk or a short one.  Making space for that moment of connection, or set up a coffee date for next week when you might be less scheduled. And then it's, again, starting to envision what would be possible for you with a kind of sustained feeling of connection over the break. What are you craving?

Now at this point, when we've thought about releasing urgency, when we are considering and practicing slowing our pace, and thinking about restoring connection, it might be a little bit easier to start to imagine your winter break. We carry so much fatigue and our minds and our bodies and our spirits as we transition into the break. So it’s important to acknowledge the labor of the semester and to celebrate your resistance. I meant to say resilience, but I think that's a wonderful slip of the tongue. Because resilience and resistance at this moment have meant that you have made it!  You're at the end of the semester and you have the agency in this moment to create the break, to start to intentionally envision the break that you need.

Now, whether you're already into the break or classes haven't ended yet, whatever it is for you, I'm such a big advocate for purposeful daydreaming. It can be so powerful to start to just play around with ideas of what you want your break to be like. This can feel really risky and a little bit scary at first, which is why I think we can't do it quite so easily when we are stuck in urgency, when we're stuck in a really fast pace, when we're stuck in isolation. But if we've done a little bit of reflecting work, we can return to the fun of daydreaming about the break.

And when you're daydreaming about your break, don't just think about what you want to DO.  I mean, that's fine, absolutely. But also think about what feelings do you want to experience? What is it that you want to feel? How do you want to be? And then, what do you want to embrace to make that possible? How do you need to make space? And, you know, that might be like literal space.  I'm thinking about how much I'd love to do puzzles. And I always kind of resist that, because I think, Oh, I'm gonna have to clear off the table… You know what, maybe I just need to clear off the table, and set up my puzzle. So it might be actual physical space, but it might just be allowing yourself the mental space to take up a hobby that you've set aside for the semester, just doodle, whatever it is that you want, or feel like doing, kind of imagined doing that. What do you need to kind of let go of, to create that space for yourself?  You can release, now, what is no longer needed.

Receiving joy is the next skill to practice at this time of the year. So many of us have been in survival mode for a really long time, probably even before our experience of the ongoing pandemic.  We've been in hard times. And I think that we tend to protect ourselves by moderating our responses to disappointment and fear, and grief and other challenging emotions, kind of cutting off the peaks and valleys of our emotional range to sort of protect ourselves. But when we limit our access to the lows through the semester, we also make it a lot harder to access some of those highs of everyday life. So maybe it's time, now at the end of the semester, to just give yourself a huge hug and say to yourself, I have been through a hard time. And it's okay to get curious about what's possible now for me. So take a breath and get curious, what would be different for you if you started to think about your full emotional range, started to practice opening up those emotional experiences that those peaks and valleys.  You can move at your own pace, as you kind of seek that expansive emotional life over the break and kind of come back to yourself, come back to that full set of experiences that we want to have.

And again, you can start today, by starting to notice all the little ways that you can receive joy. And what comes to my mind is your animal companions at this time of year, just like the little fluffy bellies that they have…these are tiny moments and ways of inviting joy into our lives, like getting a little fix of those peaks. Right. And for me, I'm just thinking that so much about dogs. Lately, we said goodbye to our wonderful, sweet old gentleman Greyhound over the summer, and I'm definitely getting that urge for a fluffy animal companion again. So when I think of joy right now I'm thinking of those animal friends of ours.

How do we greet ourselves at this time of year? How do we return to ourselves and reclaim ourselves at the end of a very long and stressful semester? What are the parts of yourself that you've sidelined during the semester? You know, we are whole people. And it's really painful in these times of stress when we put limits on our full being, when we don't feel like we have the time or the energy to express or embrace or practice or experience all the different parts of ourselves. So what part of yourself would you like to get more attention during the break? Who could you be if you kind of gave free rein to those neglected parts of yourself? And again, thinking about what impact this would have, not just on you, but the people around you.

These are some of the steps that I like to go through at the end of the semester at this time of year. I think that releasing urgency is the place to start, slowing down, starting to build back those connections with ourselves and with others. And then allowing ourselves to imagine the break to imagine what might be possible. Practicing receiving joy and then finally just throwing our arms open and welcoming the whole person.

So I put together for you a workbook that really expands on this process that I've laid out here, and takes you through this transition that I've just outlined. I'll be sending out this workbook later this week with my email. So if you'd like to get that in your inbox, find the link in the show notes and subscribe to my email list, I think you'll really like it. It's a quite substantial workbook.

Now I know it can feel like a lot to do anything else at this time of year, even a reflective exercise like this. But I want to assure you that even half-assing this process of reflection will support you in coming back to yourself and reconnecting with your whole authentic being at this time of year.  You know, you don't have to set up the candles and have this kind of “self care moment” in order to go through this process of reflection. Not at all. I mean, you've listened to this podcast, you've been doing some reflection already. And any kind of reflection that we do is good enough. We can be good enough at reflecting! We can release that idea of getting contemplation right.

So I'm hoping that this process of transitioning to the break has been helpful for you. I'm thinking of you during this tough time in the semester, and just wishing you the break that you need, and that you want.